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Building and maintaining relationships as an autistic adult can present unique challenges, but with the right strategies, meaningful connections are attainable. Relationships, whether platonic or romantic, can provide support, companionship, and joy. However, communication differences, sensory sensitivities, and the challenge of reading social cues can create obstacles that neurotypical individuals may not face.
This guide explores tips and strategies that can help autistic adults form and sustain healthy relationships while embracing their neurodivergence.
1. Understanding Neurodivergent Communication
Autistic adults may experience difficulties with typical forms of communication. These difficulties can include reading body language, understanding subtle social cues, or knowing when and how to express emotions. Despite these challenges, communication is the cornerstone of any relationship. Here are some strategies that can help:
Be Open About Your Communication Style: Letting others know that you may communicate differently can reduce misunderstandings. Whether you need more time to process information or prefer direct communication, setting expectations early on can help avoid friction.
Use Written Communication: Many autistic individuals find comfort in expressing themselves through writing, such as emails or texts, where they have more time to think about their responses. Written communication can also help clarify thoughts and feelings that may be difficult to express verbally.
Practice Active Listening: In social interactions, practicing active listening—focusing on what the other person is saying without planning your response ahead—can improve communication. Let your conversation partner know you’re paying attention by using verbal cues like “I understand” or “I see.”
2. Developing Emotional Connections
Forming emotional connections can be more challenging for autistic adults, especially when navigating personal boundaries and expressing empathy. However, building emotional bonds is vital for deep, meaningful relationships.
Start Small: Relationships develop over time. Start by sharing small, non-personal details with people you trust, and gradually build up to sharing more personal thoughts and emotions.
Seek Out People Who Understand You: Building relationships with people who are neurodivergent themselves or who understand autism can make forming emotional connections easier. Autistic support groups or online communities can provide a safe space to meet new people.
Find Common Interests: Shared interests can form the foundation of strong emotional bonds. Whether it’s a hobby, career passion, or common life experience, finding areas of connection can make interactions more enjoyable and emotionally fulfilling.
3. Navigating Sensory Differences
Sensory sensitivities are common among autistic individuals, which can affect socializing in certain environments, such as crowded places, loud events, or settings with bright lights. Managing these differences is crucial for comfortable relationship-building.
Set Sensory Boundaries: Let others know what environments make you uncomfortable and suggest alternatives. For example, suggest meeting in quieter locations if loud noises or crowds are overwhelming.
Carry Comfort Items: Items like noise-canceling headphones or sunglasses can help manage sensory overload while maintaining social interactions. If others understand your sensory needs, they’ll be more willing to accommodate.
Explain Sensory Preferences: It can be helpful to explain to friends or partners how sensory overload affects you. For example, let them know if you need to step away to recharge or if physical touch feels uncomfortable at certain times.
4. Managing Social Anxiety
Social anxiety is common in autistic adults and can make it harder to start or maintain relationships. Feeling anxious about social settings or interactions can make it difficult to build confidence when engaging with others.
Prepare for Social Situations: Mentally preparing for interactions can ease anxiety. You might rehearse conversations, think about topics you’re comfortable discussing, or plan ahead for how to handle overwhelming situations.
Start in Smaller Groups: Large social gatherings may feel overwhelming, so start by building connections in smaller, more intimate settings where you can focus on one or two people at a time.
Use Relaxation Techniques: Deep breathing, grounding exercises, or mindfulness techniques can help reduce anxiety during social interactions. These techniques can make it easier to stay present and engage more comfortably.
5. Building Romantic Relationships
Autistic adults may face unique challenges in dating and romantic relationships, from understanding unspoken expectations to navigating physical intimacy. However, with open communication and understanding, healthy romantic relationships are possible.
Be Open About Your Needs: Honest communication is key in romantic relationships. Discuss your comfort levels, preferences, and boundaries with your partner from the beginning.
Use Clear Communication: Romantic relationships often involve reading subtle cues. Being upfront about needing direct communication can help both partners feel more understood. For instance, instead of guessing how your partner is feeling, ask them directly, and expect the same from them.
Manage Physical Boundaries: If physical touch is uncomfortable or overwhelming, communicate your preferences clearly. Some autistic adults might prefer limited touch, while others may need time to acclimate to physical affection.
6. Understanding Rejection and Setbacks
Rejection and misunderstandings can happen in any relationship, and they may feel especially difficult for autistic adults. Learning to navigate these setbacks with resilience is important for maintaining confidence and optimism in relationship-building.
Don’t Take Rejection Personally: Not every connection will result in a lasting relationship, and that’s normal. It’s important to remember that rejection is often not a reflection of your value as a person but rather a result of differing needs or expectations.
Learn From Setbacks: If a relationship doesn’t work out, try to understand what happened and how you can adjust in the future. Feedback from others can be helpful, especially if you’re unsure what went wrong in an interaction.
7. Leaning on Support Networks
Having a solid support network is invaluable when navigating relationships as an autistic adult. Trusted friends, family, or professional support can provide guidance, encouragement, and a safe space to practice relationship skills.
Join Autistic Communities: Many online and in-person support groups exist for autistic adults. These communities offer a place to meet like-minded individuals, share experiences, and build friendships in a safe, understanding environment.
Consider Therapy: If building relationships feels particularly difficult, consider working with a therapist who understands neurodivergent adults. A therapist can help you develop strategies to overcome relationship barriers, manage social anxiety, and build confidence.
Develop a Self-Care Routine: Relationships can be emotionally taxing, so it’s important to prioritize self-care. Engage in activities that help you recharge, such as hobbies, exercise, or quiet time, so that you have the emotional energy to invest in social connections.
Conclusion: Embracing Neurodivergence in Relationships
Building and maintaining relationships as an autistic adult may require additional tools and strategies, but with time, patience, and understanding, meaningful connections are entirely attainable. Embracing your neurodivergence is key to forming relationships where you feel seen, heard, and valued. By understanding your unique communication style, managing sensory sensitivities, and leaning on supportive communities, you can build fulfilling friendships, romantic partnerships, and social connections that enrich your life.
Marcia Eckerd, a seasoned therapist, helps autistic adults navigate social issues, anxiety, and relationships with a holistic and individualized approach. Through her therapy and consultation services, she works with neurodivergent individuals to unlock their strengths and overcome social challenges. Reach out to learn more about how Marcia can support you in building meaningful relationships.
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